“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
What is it about fear that makes people so stupid? And I am not excluding myself from this one either.
I personally believe that fear is one of the most useless and stagnating emotions that exists on this planet. And the main cause of people not living an authentic life.
I was inspired to write on this topic after a number of recent conversations with friends and just catching up on life in general. And it never ceases to amaze me how this one emotion can wreak havoc on one’s life in so many subtle ways. But at the same time I am incredibly proud of those that have taken the leap over their fears and are finally following their dreams.
Many people, after hearing my story of how I arrived in Argentina, often look at me as if I have just stepped off of the mothership. Then they continue to comment wistfully how much they admire my courage and how they would never be able to do something like that. It always makes me pose the question, but why not? I am not saying that everyone has to jump ship and move to the opposite end of the globe, although I am on of the biggest promoters of this beautiful country that I am now living in. But what is it that stops people from doing what it is they really want to do? Fear of course.
I understand this reaction because I have been there. I used to live my life in fear of everything. I was one of the “safest” people around. I was afraid to take risks, I was afraid to get out there and actually do something that made me passionate. I was taught that these things were just not attainable and it is best to stick to living a life that was safe and secure and then when I was 65 I could retire and enjoy what life I had left.
The problem with this so called ideal is that nothing is really secure. I think that the current financial crisis hitting the globe at the moment is a good example. People are losing money left, right and centre. So then what? What happens if I don’t make it to 65? There comes a time in everyone’s life where we hit a point or a crossroads and we snap. We then need to take a decision, do we continue to let fear be the base to our lives or do we take the risk and leap into that big black hole of the unknown?
Two of the most common reasons that people don’t follow their bliss are finances and family. However, we forget that we are creative beings and there are always options. Finances are always available in one form or another if you set your mind to it. It may require adjusting your lifestyle a bit, but it is always possible. We live in a consumer based society, constantly bombarded with advertising that tells you need this or that to be considered acceptable. But when you sit yourself down and really examine what you need, how many of these things can be taken away? A lot when you really look at it. Is that big screen tv really going to make you happy? Or is it worth the sacrifice to be able to get up every morning and and be excited about what you are about to do with your day?
And then there is family. I often get the comment that because I don’t have a family I can easily just up and go where I want. True, I agree that it is easier for me as I am only responsible for myself. However, that being said, I know many families who have up and moved. I lived with one, a fantastic couple who uprooted themselves for 2 years with a three year old to come and live in Mendoza. I know of another man, who after being fed up with his life in Canada moved with his 6 children (on his own to boot) to Chile to start over. Yes, 6 children. Imagine? I also read of a couple in France who had always dreamed of sailing around the world, and so one day they decided to just do it. They too had a young daughter so they hired a tutor and off they went . They said it was the best decision that they ever made. And imagine the children’s experience? How enriching it is for them to experience a different culture, a new language and a new way of life? How expanding and educating that would be for them? I personally believe parents, in the decisions they make, are a constant example to their children. So, do you want your children to see you as happy or just going and living day to day only half alive? Do you want to see your children pursue their own dreams? Then the best way to do that is to provide the example yourself. Children really are the best excuse to follow your bliss.
It is easy to come up with a list of ten thousand excuses as to why you cannot do that thing that you always wanted to do. I used to have one of my own scrolls of excuses. J But at the end of the day, what becomes more important, living a vibrant and fulfilling life or being miserable in the status quo? One of the things I personally started doing was making decisions based on this: when I am 90 will I look back on this and regret not doing it? And that is my deciding factor. I still have things that I fear. I may be comfortable now in moving to any place in the world with nothing but a suitcase, but that is not to say that I am completely fearless. Sometimes I get paralyzed just at something that seems insignificant, such as asking for help from others or really displaying my true feelings. But I always try. And if it doesn’t work today, then tomorrow is always another day to try again. I don’t think that it is possible to have an absence of fear but I do believe that it is possible to overcome it.
So I encourage you to sit down and really examine what it is that is holding you back from doing what you have always wanted to do. Find creative ways to make it happen. And if one option doesn’t work then that is okay too. Then you just go and find another way to do it. There is no great commandment that says you have to get it right all of the time. That is one of the joys of living life, having the opportunity to try different things whether they work out or not. This in my mind cancels fear out and makes it useless because in the end there is really nothing to fear and much to be gained by taking a leap of faith. So, just as I started this piece, I will end it with a quote from one of my favourite authors and hope that no matter how little a change it may seem, you will find a way to start making your dreams happen.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain
(Photo taken from fotosearch.com)
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