Return to Simplicity – Closing the Circle

“Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.” Frederic Chopin

It has taken me almost 4 months to write this post. Who knew that a write up on simplicity could be so complicated? Oh the irony :)
Over the years I have repeatedly changed my concept of simplicity. I suppose this is a natural occurrence as people usually change as the years go on. But recently I have been pondering on it a lot more because it has become such an important aspect of my life.

So what is simplicity? The dictionary has many definitions for it, but I think that it means something different to each person. For me it is about un-complicating my life. I don’t like being bogged down, this inevitably leads to a surge of unhappiness and a very cranky Chrissie.

I used to think that if I had a lot of “things” and people in my life that I would be happy. So I went in pursuit of “stuff”: the big house, the white picket fence, the great job, the perfect relationship, the right circle of friends. And eventually I found myself in a cycle that most people find themselves in, the pursuit of more. But every time I would gain something in this race I didn’t find that happiness I was looking for. There was of course some instant gratification, but the happiness that I really wanted still seemed to elude me. I felt as if there was always something missing. All of these things that were supposed to be bringing me so much joy were in fact wearing me out. In order to be able to maintain the house, the car, the “stuff”, I was working in the rat race. My life revolved around supporting these things rather than supporting myself. My work was focussed on paying the bills rather than on fulfilling my own creative and inspirational needs, my time was spent on gratifying others rather than myself, overall my activities were focussed on external things rather than my own internal world. Then finally one day, something changed.

I found myself cleaning out old boxes and came across one that had a pile of papers in it. As I rummaged through them I realized that they were all of my old stories that I used to write as a child. I stared at them dumbstruck, I had thought they had been lost years before. I might as well have been a leprechaun that finally found his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for all the excitement that I felt at the discovery of this new found treasure. (Although I have my own personal belief about that whole tale about pots of gold and leprechauns but that is for another day…) So I sat down and read every single one. As a child I was very creative. I loved writing, it had always been my best form of expression. And as I read line by line I was reacquainting myself with that creative and happy little girl and wondering what had happened to her. As I sat there and read each page, the innocence, wonder and curiosity about the world jumped out. Somehow I had lost that, the simple way of being and doing things that made the days so full and exciting. Why couldn’t we continue living like that? How had my life become so congested that I lost all touch with my real self and life in general? The lack of limits, and rules and living just as you wanted to started to beckon from the shadows. The freedom to choose each morning what I wanted to do circled around me like call of a siren on the rocky shores of the sea. I suddenly had a flash of my life in the next 50 years living it the way I currently was, and I felt as if someone had slipped a noose around my neck, the weight of it heavy and ready to pull at any moment. I had had enough. And so began my personal revolution.

At this point in my life I started making many changes, and although there were many important steps involved in this process, one of the most important ones was the art of simplification. And it is this one that I am focusing on for this post. Life should not be complicated. I set out to regain the beauty and liveliness that I found so enthralling as a child.

My life was too full of things that had nothing to do with who I was. Not as the person that I currently was or the person I wanted to be. In looking at my daily activities and out of all the hours of the day, only a select few were spent on activities that held any real meaning for me. So I started to do a massive “house cleaning”. I cleared out all activities that either completely drained me or didn’t inspire me. I spent my social hours with people that held real meaning in my life. And slowly I found myself living a more simple life. My weekends involved sitting at a café people watching, reading or writing. Fully savouring a good cup of Italian coffee. Or sometimes I would spend hours sitting in my favourite willow tree by the river meditating, watching the wildlife or just contemplating life in general. I began enjoying dinners with close friends with good food, good conversation and good wine. Okay, sometimes a little bit too much good wine… (I will forever apologize to Michael, and to the ladies I will never forget that HFThursday…).

After a few years and whole lot of personal growth work, I found myself with the need to simplify my life once again. At this point my inner world had expanded and my outer world no longer matched it. This time the topic was “stuff”. I have always been attached to things. Ever since I can remember. They always gave me a sort of security and warm cosy feeling. Who could resist buying another comfy throw for the couch or another set of plates that were just too funky to leave on the shelf and would look much better laid out on my dining room table? And then of course there are my books: one of the greatest loves of my life and my Achilles heel. Someone who gifts me books is forever loved by me. What better way to spend a cold winter afternoon then with a good book, a cup of tea and a warm cosy throw as you are curled up on the couch? So yes, one could say I was bit obsessive about my “things”. However this was beginning to change. I began to notice more and more what a consumer oriented society we live in. We are constantly bombarded by propaganda that convinces us we need more, we need bigger, we need better. I was standing in IKEA ( not a good place to begin with) and watched as people were scrambling to buy what they could just because it was on sale. There were actually women fighting over the last candlestick holder. Good God. I was surrounded by cranky people, spending money they technically didn’t have, for things that they most likely really didn’t need. I arrived home exhausted. I made myself a hot cup of tea and prepared a hot bath. (I spent a lot of time in the bathtub in those days…). This was my thinking spot or “personal office”. Still is really  As I soaked I thought about what I had felt that day. We spend a lot of money on things we don’t necessarily need. Why? Some people would say that it is to compensate for other things lacking in our life. Could be. We are also conditioned to believe we need them. So, here we are buying a bunch of stuff. Where do we find the money to do this? Unsatisfying jobs. And I was no different. My job was not what I would call all that thrilling, nor did it challenge me the way a job should. I am creative, and without a creative outlet I wither. I know this, but yet I felt that for some reason I could not integrate that creativity with what I did for a living. But that begs the question, why not? Because I had to pay the bills. Bills for what? Other than a roof over my head and food, many things that really were not necessary. So as much as I hated to admit it, like many others in the world I found myself in the same rat race cycle, living part of my life like a robot. And this made me incredibly sad. I went back to that little girl I had encountered that day when I found the box of stories, and thought, this was never supposed to be part of her world. So I began to purge. I began thinking twice about anything I bought, regardless of whether it was a fantastic sale. I went through all of my things and packed garbage bags full of things I hadn’t used in over a year. Closet after closet, item after item. It was liberating. Little did I know what this purging would start in my life.

Any action you take starts a process. And this one was no different. A year later I found myself face to face with the big Kahuna purge. The purge of all purges. It was time to let go of everything. I thought about how far I had come. My first simplification process came after the divorce. The house, the car, the property: I let go of. I walked away with household appliances and nothing else. That in and of itself was a big step for me. Then as I moved through my discovery of self phase I let go of the little things bit by bit. Now here I was almost 4 years later and I was about to move out of country and sell all of my worldly belongings. I was seriously beginning to question my sanity…

It was a beautiful sunny day, and the driveway was packed with all of my things. Yes, a garage sale. The best way to part with your “stuff”. I watched as people rummaged through my belongings, things that at one time defined a part of me. I sat there and watched as people walked away with my things. And to be honest it wasn’t as hard as I thought. They were going to new homes, to people who would use them. I was pretty damn impressed with myself actually. I walked over to grab my coffee (much needed at this god forsaken hour of the morning) thinking that I had obsessed too much for no reason and then stopped. My books. Someone was just about to buy a stack of them. Now, I can let go of a lot of things, but my books are special, at least to me. There is a whole new world to discover once you open the cover. New things to learn, new people to meet, new places to see. Books expand your horizons and help you to grow. One could say that I have an ongoing love affair with books, and I will admit I agree. So to see them leave was akin to severing one of my limbs. It was all I could do from leaping across the lawn and tackling the woman who had just bought stolen my dearest treasures. But luckily for that unknowing woman, I resisted. (I can be pretty dangerous when provoked…) :) I realized in that split second that I needed to let them go. They were of no use to me anymore, it was time to redefine myself and write my own story rather than immersing myself in someone else’s. So I watched on, with a bit of heartache and fear, but also excitement as she drove off. A new me had just been born.

I have to say that was one of the most important lessons of my life and also a discovery of the real person I am. When I look back I have always been happier with less. I don’t like being bogged down and “things” have a tendency to do that to you. So now I own nothing that I cannot part with in the end. I am freer and lighter and focus more on experiencing life rather than trying to buy it. Interestingly enough we used to live this way as a society before the industrial revolution hit. Life was not so complicated back then. People had time to smell a flower as they walked by, or sit on the front porch with loved ones. They didn’t need 3 cars or the latest fashion trends to be happy. It makes you wonder just where the term “progress” really fits in, no? We may have technologically progressed but emotionally and socially we became a bit stunted. I think however that as we move forward as a society there is a big shift taking place. We are closing the circle back to where we once were. Just as I closed my own personal circle and moved back to a world that I used to live in as a child, the world is now closing the circle back to where it originally started and thrived: a world based on human interaction. It should be an interesting ride… :)